Mother's Day Equestrian Gift Guide

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Mother’s Day for Equestrians

Being a mom and an equestrian has its challenges. Time, energy, money . . .  you name it and there never seems to be enough to go around, especially when you’re a mom. I’ve written about some of them in these posts:  Coping with Mom Fear and Riding ~ 3 Tips For Moms With Horses ~ Who Are Your Equestrian Cheerleaders?

If you are going to buy the mom in your life a horseshoe necklace or picture frame . . .  don’t! Here are some gift ideas that won’t disappoint that hard-to-buy-for horsey mom.

Mother’s Day Gift Guide

Let’s start out with the card: https://amzn.to/3xwOkKb  or https://amzn.to/3t3n6ar

GLOVES: Riding horses can be rough on hands. These gloves are the best gloves for riding. They are durable, soft, and feel like second skin. They are the perfect gloves for someone that doesn’t like the feel of bulky gloves. Many of the top equestrians and professionals use these riding gloves. https://amzn.to/3tShVvj  or https://amzn.to/3e7doQp

VIDEO RECORDING SYSTEM: Immediate or timely feedback is the best way to improve. That is a teaching strategy, but it also works for riding. For those riders that do not take lessons every day, this is a great system to use. It records a rider while using the video and camera on your phone. Have you ever thought, “My heels are down. Why does my instructor keep yelling at me?!?”? Well, this system can also be used to video your lessons and help you realize what you may or may not be doing.  I do not have one of these, but I know many people that do. https://amzn.to/3nr4HDf  

SOCKS: Horseback riders are on their feet a lot. Okay, we are also on our butts a lot too (hopefully in the saddle and not on the ground). Although, the sleek boot socks help our legs glide in and out of boots easily, they don’t add much comfort to the foot areas. These padded boot socks have a soft foot part and also have the sleek calf area.  https://amzn.to/3u3UGhY

SPORTS BOTTLE: Summer is coming and that means warm days and hot rides. Yeti products have continued to impress me with how well they keep drinks cool. This new Yeti sports bottle will provide a cool drink of water https://amzn.to/3xxfn84  

Thrifty Mother’s Day Gifts

Not all Mother’s day gifts need to cost a lot. Remember when you were little and made coupons to give your mom a hug? Well, it also works as an adult.  Not all gifts need to be expensive. Sometimes, thoughtful gifts are worth more than those that are purchased. If your budget is tight or you have no budget at all, here are some ideas for you.

If you do not have the funds to purchase a Mother’s day gift, don’t sweat it. Okay, these gifts might require a little sweat.

• Clean Tack

• Clean Stalls

• Give The Mom a Break – Extra Barn Time

• Offer To Video A Lesson Or A Ride

Limited Budget

• Treat Bucket - You can purchase this usable and affordable feed bucket (https://amzn.to/2PB6Pfm)  or use an old basket. Fill it with carrots, sugar cubes, and peppermints.

• Whine About It - Okay, don’t actually whine about the limited budget. Grab a bottle of horsey named wine and add this wine stopper (https://amzn.to/3e1Xxm1 ) to it. Listen to your horsey mom while she drinks her wine and whines about her ungrateful horse.

Valentine’s Day for Equestrians and Horse Lovers

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Tis the season to be … in love (whether that’s with your horse, another person, or both). Valentine’s Day is coming soon. For those that have significant others, it can be tricky to buy for us horse girls or women. If you are one of those horsey women that does not have a significant other, then as Donna and Tom from Parks and Rec would say, “treat yo self!” There have been many Valentine’s Days that I spent at the barn alone with my horse, and I was totally okay with that.  

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 Romantic Gifts for Horse Lovers

These gifts are great for a romantic night with your horse person. What smells better to a horse person than flowers? Leather! These gifts do not require sizes making it easy to buy for your love. Mix and match these affordable gifts and enjoy a wonderful thoughtful evening.

https://amzn.to/3iIg8nT - Wine Glasses

https://amzn.to/3c9eqL5 - Wine Stopper

https://amzn.to/3cmzi1B - Leather Scented Candle

https://amzn.to/39hhjrc - Picture Frame

https://amzn.to/3cbJjhO - Sees Chocolates

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Practical Gifts for Horse Women

If romance is not a big thing for you or your equestrian, these gifts may be better suited. They are practical for everyday use and you can also get most of them in pink, red, or some type of Valentine’s theme. This is another set of gifts that doesn’t require you to know sizes. Yes, even the belt is adjustable to fit most sizes! They are pretty affordable as well. 

https://amzn.to/2M1QoH8 - Hot Pink Boot Socks

https://amzn.to/2YcUjn6 -  C4 Valentine’s Day Belt

https://amzn.to/2YbYQWL - Pink Yeti Travel Mug

https://amzn.to/3pfFMCM - Leather Balm

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 Gifts for Trendy Equestrians

I can’t say that these gifts land in the affordable category, but they sure are pretty! Hunter’s boots work great at the stable, but they are also fashionable enough to wear out to dinner (as long as they don’t have poop on them). These gifts also require you to know sizes, but they would be easy enough to figure out by yourself if you get creative.  

https://amzn.to/3sZMUp6 - Hunter’s Boots

https://amzn.to/3iNdDAE - One K Helmet with Bling

https://amzn.to/3ceivO6 - Roeckl Gloves

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 Horse Lovers That Pamper Their Horses

 If you or your equestrian spends longer grooming their horse then they do riding, these are perfect gifts for them. You really can’t beat their names either: Stud Muffins and the StripHair.

https://amzn.to/2YeE4FP - Stud Muffin Horse Treats

https://amzn.to/2M604An - StripHair Groomer

https://amzn.to/3c3Tg0O - Vetrolin Shine

https://amzn.to/2MnF9IZ - Skin and Coat Moisturizer

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Valentines for the Little Horse Lovers 

If you are looking for a little something to give your little horse lover, these are perfect gifts. They are best suited for those in elementary or early middle school ages.  

https://amzn.to/3ph8naJ - Valentine’s for School

https://amzn.to/2Yd6h00 - Box of Horse Stamps

https://amzn.to/3pbLjdD - Horsey Hair Ties

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Who Are Your Equestrian Cheerleaders?

Have you ever been to a show and watched the team of people that surround some of the top riders? Some of them are probably star struck groupies, but some of them are cheerleaders. What do I mean by cheerleaders? Well, they are there when the rider is down and out. They are there when the rider’s horse is acting like a jerk in the warmup ring. They shine the boots, they dry the tears, and they are just there.

While you may not be a top rider (or maybe you are), you still need cheerleaders. Horses can be difficult beasts. They get injured. They injure us. They can be gigantic turds. If there is ever a time when the iceberg effect/theory is true, it is with horses. Others often notice the people that are winning or competing at high levels. “Someone must have bought them that horse. They are riding a made horse. Must be nice to have so much time to spend with their horse. They are just a natural.” We’ve all heard these comments, but most of those making the comments never noticed the struggles that rider went through to get where they are (but their cheerleaders did).

In the book, “Chop Wood Carry Water: How to Fall in Love with the Process of Becoming Great,” Joshua Metcalf wrote:

You fuel your heart with six things: what you watch, what you read, what you listen to, who you surround yourself with, how you talk to yourself, and what you visualize.

He explained that we should treat our bodies as if they are expensive cars. How would you take care of that expensive car? You need to take care of yourself the same way. Who are you surrounding yourself with? Who are your cheerleaders? Think about the people that truly support you. They are there for the bad times and the good times.

Horse Show Mom

Don’t underestimate the Horse Show Moms (or Dads). They dry many tears. I’ve seen many Horse Show Moms standing at their child’s ringside far into adulthood. Some Horse Show Moms even financially support their adult children’s riding habit. The Horse Show Moms love their riders whether they are winning or losing, whether their horse is a big jerk or a saintly unicorn, and whether their rider is a big jerk or a saintly child. They tell their riders that they are good, not matter what the judge or trainer say. Whether that’s true or not, sometimes you just need to hear it.  If you are one of the lucky riders that has a parent by the ringside cheering you on, be thankful. You have at least one cheerleader.

Horsey Friends

Friends outside of horses are great. They help give riders new experiences besides horses. They can keep you mind off from horses when sometimes you just really don’t want to dwell on things like injuries, bad riders … However, horsey friends are the best. They get the struggles. They are someone you can confide in and they actual understand why a torn suspensory can be so devastating. You can talk to your horsey friends for hours about horses …. And they will still be your friend. Your horsey friends can make going to the barn in the middle of winter fun.

Frenemies anyone? There are people that disguise themselves as friends. These people are nice to your face, but they leave you feeling confused, flustered and crappy. These people are not your cheerleaders. These people are bullies.

Trainer

Well, this one should be obvious. Your trainer should be one of your biggest cheerleaders. If they are truly invested in you, they should want to see you succeed (even if that means beating them in a class)! You literally are paying for a cheerleader. Your trainer should be cheering you on, helping you set goals, and also help you become a better rider. I once had a trainer try to sabotage my riding. She told others that she didn’t want me to beat her in competition. She was definitely not my cheerleader. After I found out, I was on the search for a new trainer.

Significant Other

As an adult, it is tough if your significant other does not understand your love for riding and horses. It can create big riffs in relationships. Some significant others may join in and pick up the love of riding too, and some may be standing by the ringside, and some may stay home with the children. All that matters is that they support you. They support your passion for riding. They encourage you to keep going when things get tough.

There are many people in the horse world that enjoy watching people fail. They enjoy blaming others. I never realized this and felt it more than when I was on my own. It took a toll on my confidence. When I moved away from everything I knew in my mid 20’s, it was a shock to my system. I had always had my mom and my horsey friends as cheerleaders. They helped push me along when things got tough. They kept me motivated. They told me things would be okay.

If you are feeling defeated in your riding, then rely on your support system. Give that support system a call. Cry to them and let them be there for you. Your cheerleaders will lift you up and ask, “When’s the next show?”

Is He The One For Me?

Many equestrians struggle with the decision of when to move on from a horse (meaning sell their horse). When you buy a horse, there is always an adjustment period. Most of the time people buy a horse after riding it once. The horse is in a new home, new people, new routine. Everything is new for that horse and that horse is new to you. Things rarely work out perfectly where you are able to bring the horse home and hop on it the next day. The problem is, how long before you know if that horse is actually the right horse for you? When is it time to cut your loss and sell that horse? I’ve seen many adult amateurs give up riding in order to keep maintaining the one horse that they have, but that they are afraid to ride. This may sound more like a teenager’s article on if you should stay with your boyfriend or not, but aren’t they pretty similar?

Do you dread riding? Does it seem more like a job than fun? We’ve all been there at least once. You are happy when your ride is over, but not because it was a good ride. You are literally just happy that the ride was over and you walked away fine. If every ride feels like this, then he is not the one for you. Move on!

Here are some of the common reasons people have for not selling their current horse, even though it isn’t working out.

I’ll Never Get My Money Back Out Of This Horse.

No, it’s a horse. It’s hard to get your money back out of a horse. It’s hard to make money from selling a horse. If you figure out what you have put into it with training, boarding, vet, farrier and whatever else, you usually don’t make money. You usually don’t even break even.

I Love My Horse And I’m Attached

If you love the horse, maybe he would be better off with another owner. Finding a home that is more suitable for your horse could be the most loving thing you could do for that horse and yourself.

What are you giving up by keeping this horse?

Do you love your horse enough to not stare at your friends enviously as they load their horses up and head out to a horse show? That could be you… but with a different horse. Sometimes hanging on to something that isn’t meant to be holds you back from other opportunities and situations.

What if there isn’t anything better?

Guess what? There probably is a better horse out there for you. Asking your trainer for help finding your next horse might better guide you to a good match. Yes, searching for a horse takes time. Yes, it is not always fun. But, if you aren’t having fun with the horse that you have now, what is the point?

I can’t afford a better horse.

Maybe right at the moment you can’t afford a better horse. If you sell your current horse (even at a loss), and you save board, vet, and farrier money, you should be able to afford a better horse. There are usually some options that can keep you in the saddle while you are in between horses such as: leasing, borrowing, or just riding school horses during lessons.

Riding And Bonding With My Horse Is A Journey

If you are one of these people that enjoy the journey and enjoy watching your horse grow into something marvelous, then selling your horse may not be the right option for you. If you have limited time to spend with your horse, it may be that you just need to hire a trainer to ride him. If you don’t mind missing out on shows or other fun things at the moment, then selling your horse might not be the right option. Being able to watch and help a horse bloom and grow into something is so much more rewarding than purchasing something that is already at that point. However, it takes time, energy, talent, knowledge, and a little bit of your soul to get there. What are you willing to give up to get to that point?

I Feel Your Pain

So many times, I have questioned myself with my current horse. I bought him sight unseen, off from videos and a vet check. I would never recommend this, but I thought it could be my “dream horse” and a “deal of a lifetime.” Now saying that, I have also had many project horses (in my younger years and before kids). I am pretty good at looking at videos, photos and such and making a decision. Once again, that was over a decade ago. I misjudged my riding ability and “mojo” after having a kid (almost a 3-year break).

My current horse is actually pretty lovely under saddle. That is also after a year of me getting back into the saddle. He has more solid training. He was a wonderful work ethic. He is a little bit hot (which I like). I really, really enjoy riding him. On the ground, that is another story. I don’t trust him to hold my toddler and lead him in and out of his stall. Which I am the only one taking care of the horses, so it can be problematic. He is terrible at loading and has never been to a horse show. Life has changed a lot since becoming a mother. I no longer have the time to invest in him like I did my project horses a decade ago. I don’t have time to load him up and take him on mini trips to other farms. So, I am also in the same boat of, “should he stay or should he go?”

Conclusion

What advice would you give to a friend that was having difficulties with a significant other? Pretend your horse is a significant other, what are you willing to deal with? Sometimes horses are who they are, just as people are who they are. Some people require significant amounts of therapy or whatever else to become their better selves. Do you want to be that “therapist” for your horse? Are you guys good partners?

Cheers to Happy Partnerships and Enjoyable Rides!

Being An Equestrian Has Made Me A Better Mom.

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The lessons I have learned as an equestrian have helped me become a better mom. Children and horses are not all that different. When I was a kid, I spent most of my summers and weekends working/volunteering at a stable that had 60 horses. Yes, that’s right, 60 horses! Early on, I learned that horses need patience and consistency to be able to learn and grow, just as children do.

When I went through the elementary education program to be a teacher, the professors preached about having consistency in the way you ran your classroom. Patience was important, because let’s face it, if you are working with other people’s children, you definitely cannot lose your temper. As a parent, I’ve listened to many parenting books. The authors (usually psychologists) talk about patience, consistency, and follow through. If you tell a child there will be a consequence, then there better be a (reasonable) consequence. If there are not consequences, then the child will never listen. They are just empty threats or promises. As equestrians, we know it is the same with horses. When you squeeze or push with your leg to get the horse to step away from it, the horse should do just that. What happens when the horse doesn’t listen? Do you just keep squeezing and hoping that there is some kind of change or reaction? Of course not! Now, I am definitely not saying you should kick your child if they don’t listen. That is not the answer. However, I’m sure we have all been in the grocery store or on an airplane and heard a parent screaming out empty threats. And of course, the child just looks at them and continues doing what they were doing.

Patience

When you lose your patience, you lose control over the situation. There is a difference between respect and fear. Respect is earned, fear is forced. When you scream, yell, or are abusive (to children or horses), you are ruling with fear. When you are patient yet firm, you are ruling with respect. You can never trust something (or someone) to make the right decision when they are being ruled by fear. Patience does not come to everyone naturally. Some of us are given more than others. Working with horses has helped me become more tolerant and more patient. No matter how cute your child is, they will still test your patience. My child had colic for the first 8 months of life. If you don’t know what a colicky child is like, it’s basically torture, especially for first time parents. Colicky children cry relentlessly, and there is nothing you can do about it. I read somewhere that they use recordings of colicky babies crying to torture people. It just about broke me. I think that my time spent around horses helped strengthen those “patience muscles.”

Consequences

Having patience does not mean that there are not firm consequences. Consequences are important. Without consequences, your demands may mean nothing. For example, if your child refuses to pick up a toy and you just keep asking, “please pick up your toy, please pick up your toy…” Your child is never going to do it.  Reasonable consequences are important. “Please pick up your toy,” is fine to ask once or twice. A reasonable consequence is “Please pick up your toy. If I have to pick it up, it is going on a shelf and you’ll have to earn it back.” An unreasonable consequence looks like this, “Please pick up your toy. If I have to pick it up, you are getting grounded for 1 month!” I mean, we have all heard of kids getting grounded for crazy amounts of time. What are you going to do if that kid does something else minor within that month? Ground them for the next month, and the next month and the next month? Just like I used to tell my riding students, the punishment has to meet the crime. If your horse does something minor, are you going to take a whip to them? I sure hope not! It is no different with horses. You should have reasonable consequences.

Follow Through

Just like having patience and consequences is important with horses and kids, you must also follow through with the consequence. If you had to pick that toy up and put it on the shelf, then you better not give it back to the child until they earned it (whatever that means to you). Although follow through is important to both children and horses, there are some differences. With horses, our follow through needs to be almost immediate for them to be able to connect the consequence to their actions. With children, you can tell them there will be a consequence later, BUT you still must follow through with a consequence. This took a little bit of time for me to realize, and I still am working on it. Jim Fay, the author of “Parenting with Love and Logic,” wrote a lot about this. He has a great book and I would highly recommend it: Affiliate Link https://amzn.to/38LLV4a

Consistency

 “Trust is built with consistency.” ~ Lincoln Chafee.

Routines, rules and expectations need to stay consistent. Imagine a boarding facility that changed routines every week. Horses went out with different horses. Feed times were different. Stall assignments were different. Can you imagine the chaos? We couldn’t imagine doing this to our horses, but we don’t always think of it being that big of a deal if we do it to our kids. Children need consistency too. Consistent routines help children feel safe. Consistent rules and expectations help children behave. I love my mom, but when we were children she would randomly come up with a new rule. She’d stick to it for a few days and then it would disappear. We never knew when this was going to happen either. We also never really listened to the rules because… well, they’d be gone in a week so who cares? If you need to make a change in rules or routines, then do it. But, do not constantly change them.

Conclusion

My time spent with horses made me a better mother and teacher. We are all creatures of habit and there are many things we share in common. Cheers to well behaved horses and children!

Pampered Ponies

5 Things Your Horse Doesn’t Need – But You’ll Want!

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“A horse is like a grown woman’s Barbie.” ~ Anonymous. I cannot remember where I heard that from, but isn’t it fitting? So, maybe you never played with Barbies as a kid, but we all know Barbies have to have all the accessories. It is the same with horses. They get dressed up in ridiculous outfits. We make sure that our outfits match the saddle pads and maybe even leg wraps or boots (well, some people do). Here is a list of 5 things that your horse probably doesn’t need, but you will want!

Peppermint Bit Wipes

Raise your hand if you are guilty of having a dirty bit (me too). Raise your hand if you feel even slightly bad about putting a piece of metal in your horse’s mouth (me too). These wipes don’t solve those problems, but they definitely help! They’ll motivate you to keep those bits a little cleaner and maybe motivate your horse to want to take the bit more! Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/36uI0WY

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Marigold Coat Spray

This spray is supposed to condition and protect your horses coat from sun bleaching. I have purchased this spray many times, but it really isn’t for either of those reasons. This is the best smelling horse spray I have ever used. It is refreshing and has a slight perfume smell that is not too overbearing. If you want the best smelling pony in the barn, this is your spray! Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/3kmQXq8

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Mrs. Pasture’s Horse Cookies

Okay, this is something your horse will actually want. Who doesn’t enjoy pampering your horse with some special treats? I have yet to meet a horse that doesn’t like Mrs. Pasture’s Horse Cookies. Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/2IxcZcs

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Massage Grooming Mitt

This two-in-one massage mitt is great for shedding season and before you ride. There are “magnetic therapy balls” in the mitt. I don’t know about magnetic therapy, but it does provide a good massage for your horse before you ride. These work especially great for horses that have a lot of tension in their necks, back and topline. Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/3lvdpyu

Rubber Face Curry

Sometimes our regular curries are just too rough for our horse’s face, especially if you have a sensitive horse. These little curries have tiny bristles to help gently pull off gunk from around the ears, eyes, and boney parts of the face. Your horse will thank you! Affiliate Link: https://amzn.to/2JUYBvd

Become More Positive - Gratitude And Horses

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September 21st is World Gratitude Day. 2020 has sent us through a whirl wind (and doesn’t seem to be slowing down), and it can seem hard to feel gratitude right now. Many of us have had canceled shows, trips, riding, training, and lessons due to COVID. At the beginning of the virus, some of us had to deal with boarding barns closing down to boarders. That meant no riding, no training, and no horses. I know many people that struggled not being able to see their horse for a prolonged period of time. Maybe the events of 2020 have not impacted you that much, but other factors in life have. Life as an adult can be tough to say the least. However, if we take a little bit of time and mental effort, I’m sure there are some things we all can show gratitude towards.

What is Gratitude?

Being grateful, thankful, or showing appreciation is gratitude. The most important word is appreciation. Appreciation means that you recognize or enjoy something good. Take a moment and think of one thing that is good with your riding, horse, or horsey friends. Gratitude is not just thinking or being thankful for something. Gratitude is also showing appreciation.

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

Is there someone that has gone the extra mile for you or your horse? Does your horse get excellent care at your boarding facility? Does your husband wake up at 6:30 on his day off and come down to the barn to clean stalls? Tell that person how grateful you are. Show them that you are thankful for them. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It can be as easy as saying, “thank you for …” Not into using words? How about buying someone a cup of coffee, doughnut, cookie or something else small? A small gift can really make a person feel appreciated.

Sometimes we don’t always feel like the care of our horses is the greatest at our boarding facility. People can get under our skin and fall short of our expectations. Try to think of one small thing that someone has done correctly. Find a small way to show that person you appreciate them.

"The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement." Charles Schwab

 When I was an elementary teacher, we called this positive reinforcement. In some cases, you could take a student that acted out and get them to change their behaviors. Teachers would focus on one small thing that the student did right and show gratitude for it. The goal was to build upon the positive and sometimes it worked. Now, think of something positive that you can show gratitude towards with those people that fall short or tend to be difficult. Caring for horses can be an exhausting feat. If the caretakers are consistently getting beat down, they will give up. Show a little bit of appreciation for something they did correctly (no matter how small). For example, bring them a cup of coffee on a cold day with a note: “Thank you for feeding my horse every day.” Although that is service you pay for anyway, it is still a nice gesture and will make you feel good too. If you are looking to purchase a small gift of gratitude for someone, here are some horsey gifts that won’t break the bank. 

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Small Gifts of Gratitude:

Book - “The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse",” is a quick read. It has wonderful life lessons. I’ve bought this book several times for friends, and I just recently purchased it for my coffee table. https://amzn.to/3iA1COh

Scarf -https://amzn.to/3iq9oKu

Mug 1 - https://amzn.to/3iq9oKu

Mug 2 - https://amzn.to/2DRVmlN

Socks - https://amzn.to/35rwGvN

Chocolate Gift Box - https://amzn.to/3mclpoR

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Still Having Trouble Feeling or Showing Gratitude?

Maybe your riding isn’t going well, or your horse is lame right now, or who knows what! But, these 1000+ lbs. beasts allow us to ride them. How crazy is that? Life can be messy and complicated, but if you are reading this, you probably ride or own a horse. Here is the reality: You are lucky. The fact that we are able to afford to be around horses is amazing. Most of us have our basic needs met. We have food, shelter, and clean water. We are able to focus on things like: Is my horse going to be cold without his blanket tonight? I wonder what kind of supplement would be best for my horse? There are many people in the world that don’t even live as well as our horses.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault

 Try to think about your “little things.” Is it the cool autumn breeze blowing on your face as you sit atop your horse? Is it watching the sunset while you graze your horse after giving him a bath? If you take the time, you may be surprised to find how many things you can be grateful for and don’t forget to show that gratitude.

I’d love to hear what you are grateful for or how you are going to show your gratitude.

A Guide To Friendships In The Horse Business

One of the difficult parts about being in the horse business is maintaining long-term friendships. Horse professionals and their clients develop strong friendships that usually come to a dramatic end with both parties feeling mistreated and hurt. We (horse people) are special people. It is hard to make friends with just anyone. Who else is going to listen to mundane stories about our horse? Who else is going to understand the joy of getting a new saddle?

Building resentment in your horsey friendships between you and your clients, trainer or barn owner can happen easily. One way to maintain those healthy friendships is by having clear boundaries. I’ve seen this destroy many horsey friendships. Often, at least one person feels like their friend has taken advantage of them. Sometimes it is the professional (trainer, instructor, barn owner/manager), sometimes it is the amateur, and sometimes it is both.

Don’t Assume

Business is business. Doing favors can mean different things to different people. I’ve experienced this a lot while living in different areas of the country. There are often unwritten (or unsaid) rules and expectations. “If I do this, then you owe me…., If we are friends than I should get this for free, or I did this, so you should do this.” We aren’t mind readers (or at least I’m not). Unwritten expectations and rules create resentment.

Clear Boundaries

The best way to ward off resentment or a failed friendship is by having clear boundaries. If you are the client, expect to pay for everything. If you are friends with the barn owner, treat them like you are doing business with anyone else. Pay your friend. If you ask someone to do something for you, then expect to pay them. Give them the option to say, “You don’t owe me anything or need to pay me,” but be prepared to pay if they don’t. If you want to help your friend, then do it and expect nothing in return. You can state, “I am doing this just to help you. I do not expect compensation.” If your friend asks you to help them, do it just to help them. If your friend asks you to help them and you do not want to do it for free, don’t do it. Or ask them what type of reimbursement you will be getting up front. If you don’t want to be taken advantage of by your friends, then you should also not take advantage of your friends.

 A friend’s mom told me, “don’t do anything once in case you plan on doing it the rest of your life (or friendship).” If you do something for free once, it may be expected of you from there on out. Remember that the next time your trainer or barn owner asks for help AND remember that next time you ask for help.

Conclusion

It often occurs where one person will feel like they have been taken advantage of. Sometimes both people feel as though the other person has taken advantage of them. If someone isn’t willing to have clear boundaries about what is to be paid for, or what is required of them, then maybe they are a user and not a friend. A friend would not want to put you in a poor financial situation. A friend would not want you to resent them. As I stated before, business is business.  Even though your barn owner or trainer may be a friend, they still have bills to pay. They cannot pay their hay bill or rent on your friendship. If you consider them a friend, and you care about them, you should also care that they are able to pay their bills.

Time Management & Priorities: Adults With Horses

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The other night my husband crawled into bed, we stared at each other, and questioned how it could possibly be 9:30 already. Exhausted, we turned the lights off and went to bed. Well, he did. I stared into the dark room and thought about everything that needed to be done (because we all know that worrying about things solves a bunch of problems).

Whether you have a full-time job, young kids, or other adulting life to take care of, there always seems to be an ever-growing list of things that need to be done. Adulting with horses is challenging because there never seems to be enough hours in the day. It’s all about time management. Have you ever closely scrutinized how you spend your time and whether it’s consistent with your priorities?

In a world with limitless time, my tack would be cleaned after every ride. My bridles would be figure eighted. My horse’s mane and tail would be cut and pulled. There would be a perfectly trimmed bridle path. My horse would not have a speck of dirt on his legs. There wouldn’t be any shavings or hay in his tail when I rode. My hair would be pulled back into a perfect ponytail or bun. But instead, time is not limitless… so I let some things go and I try to be okay with it.

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.” ~ Harvey MacKay

Deciding What’s Important

Finding the right balance is the key to owning horses as an adult. What do you have to do? What can be put off for a while? For me, riding is a top priority. What do I have to do to make sure that I can ride? The horses have to be fed and have all of their essentials. I’ve boarded at a few barns where the owners often complained about not having enough time to ride. I’d watch them tend to their amazing flower beds, power wash the barn twice a month, and pick manure out of the pastures with pitchforks once a week. While all of that stuff was wonderful and made the barn a better place to be, was it really necessary? If riding is a top priority and goal, you have to let some of that stuff go! Who is going to make more gains in their riding: the rider that has the horse with the perfect tail? OR the rider that rides three or more times a week? What’s your goal? What can you let go of to allow yourself to have more time to work towards that goal? Now, if having the perfectly groomed horse is your thing, then by all means, you go for it! Do what makes you happy.

Nowadays, my boots aren’t cleaned after every ride. My horse’s crazy mane isn’t brushed all the time. His thick mane grows out to the point that he looks like a wild pony mixed with an Andalusian. But guess what? He doesn’t seem to care.

What I Don’t Mean

While I am probably encouraging you to cut corners in some places, I am not telling you to cut corners on anything that hurts your horse’s health, well-being, or safety as well as your own. If something needs to be done to prevent injury, then that is something you can’t ignore. Throwing a saddle pad over a horse that is caked in mud is not something I’m promoting. Horses can get sores from the saddle pad rubbing on top of the dirt. Skipping out on lunging your horse to save time is not good either. If your horse needs to be lunged for your safety, then do it!

Conclusion

When time is limited, you have to decide what you can cut out of your life to remain focused on your top priorities. This is your ticket to feeling guilt-free about not having to pull manes, clean tack after every ride, or whatever else may not feel important to do. Skip the things that are not essential and give yourself more time to accomplish what is important to you. If you need help figuring out what your goals are check out Goal Setting and Expectations. If you want to read more on improving your focus and how to take advantage of “opportunity cost,” check out this great read by Thibaut Meurisse called “Master Your Focus” on Amazon: https://amzn.to/34ir5r6.

Wear The Gloves ... When Lunging A Horse

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If you haven’t heard it already, here is your public service announcement: ALWAYS WEAR GLOVES WHEN LUNGING A HORSE. If you’ve been around horses long enough, you’ve probably gotten rope burn at least once from a horse yanking a lead rope out of your hand. It hurts. It’s something I taught all of my students when I was giving lessons. I would send people out of the arena if they were not wearing gloves and trying to lunge their horse. It’s also important to wear gloves if you are leading or loading a horse that may yank the lead rope out of your hands as well. Lunge lines are about 4 times the length of a lead rope. You may think you can let go of that lunge line quick enough to avoid a bad rope burn, but it’s often not the case.

The time I Didn’t Wear Gloves . . .

Let me tell you a story about the time that I didn’t wear gloves while lunging a horse. This is how it went: “Hey, will you lunge my horse for a minute. I want to see if he is sound?” asked a student. “Absolutely,” I replied. Lunge, lunge, buck, bolt, and take off across the arena. I knew better. I knew better! That is all that ran through my head in those split seconds that the lunge line tore through my hands while tearing off layers of skin on its way. That is called getting “degloved.” If you Google “degloved” you will find some pretty shocking pictures. I had a very minor case of it, but it was still extremely painful. I couldn’t grab much with that hand for a long time. The injured part healed slowly and remained sensitive for quite a while even after it looked fully healed.

Glove Recommendations

I love Roeckl Riding Gloves: https://amzn.to/3g9SAoN. They are lightweight and feel wonderful, however they are pretty expensive. I use them when I ride, but if I am just lunging a horse, I don’t use them. Arena sand on the lunge line can wear the gloves fairly quickly. If expenses are not a problem for you, then go ahead and use these gloves! My second favorite glove to riding in are these: https://amzn.to/3L70DWL. My favorite gloves to use for leading, grooming, loading, lunging… are crochet gloves. The leather on the palms tend to hold up pretty well. I have also used them for riding when I am in between pairs of Roeckl gloves. I have used Ovation’s Crochet Gloves: https://amzn.to/3iTsmcd, Heritage’s Crochet Gloves: https://amzn.to/347qJU0, and SSG’s Crochet Gloves: https://amzn.to/2YqCgdF. They all seem fairly equal in price and quality.

Conclusion

“Experience is a hard teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson is learned afterwards.” ~ Unknown

This is one of my favorite quotes. However, it shouldn’t apply to wearing gloves while lunging a horse…learn from my experience. No matter how little time you think you will be lunging a horse, you should always wear gloves. If the horse is super calm and never takes a wrong step … still wear the dang gloves! The skin on your hands will thank you later.

Finding The Right Boarding Facility

Finding the right boarding facility is like shopping for shoes.

Trying to find a place to board your horse is like trying to find a pair of shoes that fits just right. You have to go see the facility, just like you need to try the shoe on. You can order the shoes online in your size, but if you haven’t tried them on, you risk them not fitting quite right. No matter what the size on the box says, different brands and styles can vary widely. The same goes for a boarding facility. What the boarding facility has and/or advertises may look great on their website, but spending some time at a potential facility will allow you to see things that you might have otherwise overlooked like the types of riders, arena quality, feeding routines, temperaments of horses, general atmosphere, etc. Just like no one wants to walk around in shoes that rub your heels raw, no one wants to board at a facility that causes constant frustration. Invest some time upfront and consider some of these things before making the leap to a new boarding facility to prevent a bad fit.

Purpose

Would you buy a pair of flip flops to go out and run a marathon? Of course not! Shoes are made for different purposes like for working out, style, leisure... most boarding facilities are no different. Different boarding facilities can serve different purposes. What may seem like a wonderful place for someone that is a trail rider may terribly lack the needs for someone that is a reiner or jumper.  What is your purpose for riding? Does the boarding facility fit that purpose? Maybe the facility offers excellent care and looks beautiful, but will it meet your riding needs? Can you imagine a dressage horse being ridden while other horses are practicing barrels? I’m sure it does happen, but I know a lot of dressage horses and riders that would lose their minds.

Type of Care

If the shoe doesn’t fit … don’t force it! I have boarded in many states and at many different types of facilities: dressage, jumpers, Morgans, Tennessee Walkers, pleasure … you name it. They all offered different types of care. I am a regimented type of person. I like consistency and so have most of my horses. Some of the facilities fed grain once a day, some fed three times a day. Some of the places left horses turned out (weather permitting) for days, even if they were stall boarded. Other facilities only turned horses out for a few hours a day. If you have a horse that does best with a lot of turnout time, then keeping that horse at a boarding facility that has limited turnout is not going to work. If you have a horse that gets stressed if he is outside for too long, then a 24-hour turnout might not work. You know that saying, “Happy wife, happy life?” Well, I think “Happy horse, happy owner” is also a good saying. If a boarding facility cannot accommodate your horse (and sometimes they shouldn’t) you need to find a place that has the type of care that works for the horse. There is no reason to try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Atmosphere

Are you going to go to a shoe store that sells Jimmy Choo, Gucci, or Louis Vuitton and shop for a nice pair of running shoes? Of course not! If you have a horse that is high strung, it needs to be in a facility that has experience with higher energy horses. If you are at a boarding facility where all of the horses are really chill and easy going, but you have an OTTB (off the track thoroughbred) that is higher strung, it can be easy to stand out. You don’t want your horse getting labeled as “crazy.” It can ruin your confidence if you consistently hear about how hyper your horse is acting. When I taught elementary school, we were told that you do not treat kids as if they are “bad.” Children will live up to those expectations. I truly feel it is the same with horses. If they are treated as if they are “crazy,” they will live up to those expectations. Things that those hotter horses do may be misread, especially by people that don’t understand hot horses.

Conclusion

Finding the right boarding facility for you and your horse can be tricky, but extremely important. Make sure you fully understand your expectations and whether a potential boarding facility is capable of meeting those needs before you commit. Investing some additional time prior to moving to a new boarding facility to get a feel for their purpose, turnout and feeding routines, and atmosphere will save you from frustrations down the road. Changing facilities too often can cause stress on both you and your horse and dramatically delay you from reaching your riding goals.

Happy Horse House Hunting!