Become More Positive - Gratitude And Horses

This post contains affiliate links, at no cost to you. For more information, please click here.

September 21st is World Gratitude Day. 2020 has sent us through a whirl wind (and doesn’t seem to be slowing down), and it can seem hard to feel gratitude right now. Many of us have had canceled shows, trips, riding, training, and lessons due to COVID. At the beginning of the virus, some of us had to deal with boarding barns closing down to boarders. That meant no riding, no training, and no horses. I know many people that struggled not being able to see their horse for a prolonged period of time. Maybe the events of 2020 have not impacted you that much, but other factors in life have. Life as an adult can be tough to say the least. However, if we take a little bit of time and mental effort, I’m sure there are some things we all can show gratitude towards.

What is Gratitude?

Being grateful, thankful, or showing appreciation is gratitude. The most important word is appreciation. Appreciation means that you recognize or enjoy something good. Take a moment and think of one thing that is good with your riding, horse, or horsey friends. Gratitude is not just thinking or being thankful for something. Gratitude is also showing appreciation.

"Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." William Arthur Ward

Is there someone that has gone the extra mile for you or your horse? Does your horse get excellent care at your boarding facility? Does your husband wake up at 6:30 on his day off and come down to the barn to clean stalls? Tell that person how grateful you are. Show them that you are thankful for them. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It can be as easy as saying, “thank you for …” Not into using words? How about buying someone a cup of coffee, doughnut, cookie or something else small? A small gift can really make a person feel appreciated.

Sometimes we don’t always feel like the care of our horses is the greatest at our boarding facility. People can get under our skin and fall short of our expectations. Try to think of one small thing that someone has done correctly. Find a small way to show that person you appreciate them.

"The way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement." Charles Schwab

 When I was an elementary teacher, we called this positive reinforcement. In some cases, you could take a student that acted out and get them to change their behaviors. Teachers would focus on one small thing that the student did right and show gratitude for it. The goal was to build upon the positive and sometimes it worked. Now, think of something positive that you can show gratitude towards with those people that fall short or tend to be difficult. Caring for horses can be an exhausting feat. If the caretakers are consistently getting beat down, they will give up. Show a little bit of appreciation for something they did correctly (no matter how small). For example, bring them a cup of coffee on a cold day with a note: “Thank you for feeding my horse every day.” Although that is service you pay for anyway, it is still a nice gesture and will make you feel good too. If you are looking to purchase a small gift of gratitude for someone, here are some horsey gifts that won’t break the bank. 

---

Small Gifts of Gratitude:

Book - “The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse",” is a quick read. It has wonderful life lessons. I’ve bought this book several times for friends, and I just recently purchased it for my coffee table. https://amzn.to/3iA1COh

Scarf -https://amzn.to/3iq9oKu

Mug 1 - https://amzn.to/3iq9oKu

Mug 2 - https://amzn.to/2DRVmlN

Socks - https://amzn.to/35rwGvN

Chocolate Gift Box - https://amzn.to/3mclpoR

---

Still Having Trouble Feeling or Showing Gratitude?

Maybe your riding isn’t going well, or your horse is lame right now, or who knows what! But, these 1000+ lbs. beasts allow us to ride them. How crazy is that? Life can be messy and complicated, but if you are reading this, you probably ride or own a horse. Here is the reality: You are lucky. The fact that we are able to afford to be around horses is amazing. Most of us have our basic needs met. We have food, shelter, and clean water. We are able to focus on things like: Is my horse going to be cold without his blanket tonight? I wonder what kind of supplement would be best for my horse? There are many people in the world that don’t even live as well as our horses.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault

 Try to think about your “little things.” Is it the cool autumn breeze blowing on your face as you sit atop your horse? Is it watching the sunset while you graze your horse after giving him a bath? If you take the time, you may be surprised to find how many things you can be grateful for and don’t forget to show that gratitude.

I’d love to hear what you are grateful for or how you are going to show your gratitude.

A Guide To Friendships In The Horse Business

One of the difficult parts about being in the horse business is maintaining long-term friendships. Horse professionals and their clients develop strong friendships that usually come to a dramatic end with both parties feeling mistreated and hurt. We (horse people) are special people. It is hard to make friends with just anyone. Who else is going to listen to mundane stories about our horse? Who else is going to understand the joy of getting a new saddle?

Building resentment in your horsey friendships between you and your clients, trainer or barn owner can happen easily. One way to maintain those healthy friendships is by having clear boundaries. I’ve seen this destroy many horsey friendships. Often, at least one person feels like their friend has taken advantage of them. Sometimes it is the professional (trainer, instructor, barn owner/manager), sometimes it is the amateur, and sometimes it is both.

Don’t Assume

Business is business. Doing favors can mean different things to different people. I’ve experienced this a lot while living in different areas of the country. There are often unwritten (or unsaid) rules and expectations. “If I do this, then you owe me…., If we are friends than I should get this for free, or I did this, so you should do this.” We aren’t mind readers (or at least I’m not). Unwritten expectations and rules create resentment.

Clear Boundaries

The best way to ward off resentment or a failed friendship is by having clear boundaries. If you are the client, expect to pay for everything. If you are friends with the barn owner, treat them like you are doing business with anyone else. Pay your friend. If you ask someone to do something for you, then expect to pay them. Give them the option to say, “You don’t owe me anything or need to pay me,” but be prepared to pay if they don’t. If you want to help your friend, then do it and expect nothing in return. You can state, “I am doing this just to help you. I do not expect compensation.” If your friend asks you to help them, do it just to help them. If your friend asks you to help them and you do not want to do it for free, don’t do it. Or ask them what type of reimbursement you will be getting up front. If you don’t want to be taken advantage of by your friends, then you should also not take advantage of your friends.

 A friend’s mom told me, “don’t do anything once in case you plan on doing it the rest of your life (or friendship).” If you do something for free once, it may be expected of you from there on out. Remember that the next time your trainer or barn owner asks for help AND remember that next time you ask for help.

Conclusion

It often occurs where one person will feel like they have been taken advantage of. Sometimes both people feel as though the other person has taken advantage of them. If someone isn’t willing to have clear boundaries about what is to be paid for, or what is required of them, then maybe they are a user and not a friend. A friend would not want to put you in a poor financial situation. A friend would not want you to resent them. As I stated before, business is business.  Even though your barn owner or trainer may be a friend, they still have bills to pay. They cannot pay their hay bill or rent on your friendship. If you consider them a friend, and you care about them, you should also care that they are able to pay their bills.

Finding The Right Boarding Facility

Finding the right boarding facility is like shopping for shoes.

Trying to find a place to board your horse is like trying to find a pair of shoes that fits just right. You have to go see the facility, just like you need to try the shoe on. You can order the shoes online in your size, but if you haven’t tried them on, you risk them not fitting quite right. No matter what the size on the box says, different brands and styles can vary widely. The same goes for a boarding facility. What the boarding facility has and/or advertises may look great on their website, but spending some time at a potential facility will allow you to see things that you might have otherwise overlooked like the types of riders, arena quality, feeding routines, temperaments of horses, general atmosphere, etc. Just like no one wants to walk around in shoes that rub your heels raw, no one wants to board at a facility that causes constant frustration. Invest some time upfront and consider some of these things before making the leap to a new boarding facility to prevent a bad fit.

Purpose

Would you buy a pair of flip flops to go out and run a marathon? Of course not! Shoes are made for different purposes like for working out, style, leisure... most boarding facilities are no different. Different boarding facilities can serve different purposes. What may seem like a wonderful place for someone that is a trail rider may terribly lack the needs for someone that is a reiner or jumper.  What is your purpose for riding? Does the boarding facility fit that purpose? Maybe the facility offers excellent care and looks beautiful, but will it meet your riding needs? Can you imagine a dressage horse being ridden while other horses are practicing barrels? I’m sure it does happen, but I know a lot of dressage horses and riders that would lose their minds.

Type of Care

If the shoe doesn’t fit … don’t force it! I have boarded in many states and at many different types of facilities: dressage, jumpers, Morgans, Tennessee Walkers, pleasure … you name it. They all offered different types of care. I am a regimented type of person. I like consistency and so have most of my horses. Some of the facilities fed grain once a day, some fed three times a day. Some of the places left horses turned out (weather permitting) for days, even if they were stall boarded. Other facilities only turned horses out for a few hours a day. If you have a horse that does best with a lot of turnout time, then keeping that horse at a boarding facility that has limited turnout is not going to work. If you have a horse that gets stressed if he is outside for too long, then a 24-hour turnout might not work. You know that saying, “Happy wife, happy life?” Well, I think “Happy horse, happy owner” is also a good saying. If a boarding facility cannot accommodate your horse (and sometimes they shouldn’t) you need to find a place that has the type of care that works for the horse. There is no reason to try to fit a square peg in a round hole.

Atmosphere

Are you going to go to a shoe store that sells Jimmy Choo, Gucci, or Louis Vuitton and shop for a nice pair of running shoes? Of course not! If you have a horse that is high strung, it needs to be in a facility that has experience with higher energy horses. If you are at a boarding facility where all of the horses are really chill and easy going, but you have an OTTB (off the track thoroughbred) that is higher strung, it can be easy to stand out. You don’t want your horse getting labeled as “crazy.” It can ruin your confidence if you consistently hear about how hyper your horse is acting. When I taught elementary school, we were told that you do not treat kids as if they are “bad.” Children will live up to those expectations. I truly feel it is the same with horses. If they are treated as if they are “crazy,” they will live up to those expectations. Things that those hotter horses do may be misread, especially by people that don’t understand hot horses.

Conclusion

Finding the right boarding facility for you and your horse can be tricky, but extremely important. Make sure you fully understand your expectations and whether a potential boarding facility is capable of meeting those needs before you commit. Investing some additional time prior to moving to a new boarding facility to get a feel for their purpose, turnout and feeding routines, and atmosphere will save you from frustrations down the road. Changing facilities too often can cause stress on both you and your horse and dramatically delay you from reaching your riding goals.

Happy Horse House Hunting!