Prior to being a mom, I rode a lot of different horses. I would hop on just about anything as long as I didn’t think it belonged in the rodeo. When I was in my teens, I probably did get on horses that belonged in the rodeo.
Having a child changed everything. I no longer hop on anything. In fact, I want to see the horse ridden at least once. If it bucks, no thank you. If it rears, spooks, spins, or is completely obnoxious, no thank you. I don’t know if it was part of postpartum anxiety, or just a natural fear that parents have after having a child. Many other moms that I have spoken with say the same thing. After having children, they no longer have tolerance for bolting, spooking, bucking… you name it.
What Causes Mom Fear?
For me, it was the fact that this little baby depended on me for everything. When you have a child, your life is essential to that child. If something happened to me prior to this, I know my husband and family would be devastated but okay. But now, the thought of my husband having to raise our daughter on his own makes me sick to my stomach. Before you swing your leg over a horse, ask yourself, “should I be doing this?”
Setting the Ego Aside
Coming to the realization that you don’t have the “balls” to get on almost any horse is hard to come to terms with. It’s so hard to say, “No, I don’t want to ride that horse.” For me, it’s hard to lunge my horse on days when he hotter. Before Mom Fear, I would have just jumped on and rode. You have to be smarter about when and what you ride, and that is hard on the ego.
4 Tips for Coping with Mom Fear
1) It’s Okay to Say “No”
So, you don’t feel comfortable about swinging your leg over that horse. Well, that’s okay. There is this magical word that you can use… “no.” It may be time for you to set your ego aside and walk away from that horse. Many times, we want to prove something to someone. I think Mom Fear is with us for a reason. Parents have to stay healthy to take care of their children. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing.
2) Smaller Goals
Take smaller more comfortable steps to get to your bigger goals. Remember, even a small step forward is a step in the right direction. Prior to having a job, a family, or any large adult responsibilities, I could move up a level (in dressage) every year. It isn’t going to work like that for me anymore. Pushing myself too hard and too fast causes anxiety for me. What are large goals that you’d like to accomplish? Can you break them down into smaller steps? Accomplishing small tasks, goals, or steps will help you feel successful. Feeling successful can increase your confidence. It is a winning situation. You can read more about riding goals here: Goal Setting for Equestrians.
3) Take Your Time
Taking your time is similar to taking smaller steps. If you are just getting back on your horse after time off from becoming a mom, take your time. Riding horses as a (non-professional) adult should be fun. Allowing yourself more time to accomplish goals will take some of the pressure off. Remember, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN! Is it always going to be fun? Of course not! We are riding 1,000-pound animals that have opinions of their own as well. When you feel rushed, it’s only going increase stress and more stress leads to more Mom Fear.
4) Supportive Friends
If you are lucky enough to have a horsey mom of your own that supports you, that is great! If not, find some supportive friends that are encouraging. Having a friend to ride with can help dissolve some of the Mom Fear. Having someone else around when you ride can be comforting. A supportive friend can change your entire mood and outlook. If you are around people that are unsupportive of your riding or your horse, it can mess with you mentally. If you already have Mom Fear, and someone is bashing your riding, your horse, or your goals, it will completely ruin your confidence.
“If you take a piece of rotten fruit and place it beside perfectly good fruit... what happens? The mold from the rotten fruit spreads over to the good fruit and both end up in bad condition.” ~ Unknown
Keep those moldy people and thoughts away from you.
Conclusion
Mom Fear is inevitable. Some moms will have it more than others. I struggled with it for a few years after my child was born, and I still deal with it today. I do think it gets better as your child(ren) get older. Walking away from bad/possibly dangerous situations is okay. Saying “no”, having smaller goals, taking your time, and being around supportive friends are a great way to keep that Mom Fear at bay. If you have enjoyed this article, you may also like: Being An Equestrian Has Made Me A Better Mom.
Be safe and happy riding!