Barn bullies can change the entire atmosphere of a barn. It is supposed to be a calm and relaxing place. We tell children that bullies pick on people because they are jealous of them or because they feel insecure. Adult bullies are no different from children. They are insecure and jealous. So, maybe if you are being bullied, you should take that as a compliment.
Bullies like to draw people in. They will use compliments like they are handing out candy on Halloween. They quickly befriend one person. They pretend to be interested, but then use people’s personal stories or information, turn them around, spin their words and use them against that person. They will use that person or be kind to that person until they aren’t needed anymore. Does any of this sound familiar?
Tip # 1: Take Your Time
Be mindful of how quickly you share your personal information with someone new. I am not saying you can’t be friendly or nice, but you do not have to share your life story with someone that you just met. Take your time to get to know a new person in the “barn family.” Actions speak louder than words. Does what that person say align with how they act?
Tip # 2: Avoidance
If you have realized that someone is a barn bully, my best advice for dealing with them: avoid, avoid, avoid. Bullies like to have a gang or a group of people that will join in. Bullies like to feel included and they like to have the targeted person excluded by their entire gang. Bullies like to drag other people into their group. If you are around someone and questioning whether or not they are a bully, here are some things to consider. While they are speaking, ask yourself:
· Is it kind?
· Is it true?
· Is it necessary?
I don’t know who the original person was that came up with those questions, but they are wonderful. I sometimes (a lot of times) have to ask myself those questions before I speak.
Bullies will say things that are unkind, untrue, and very unnecessary. If what they are saying does not fit into any of those guidelines then they shouldn’t be saying it. If the bully is saying something inappropriate, shut them down or walk away. The worst thing to do is engage in or encourage their behavior.
Tip # 3: Do Not React
Bullies love to stir the pot. They love to get a rise or a reaction out of somebody whether that is their victim or bystanders. When bullies wanted a reaction, my favorite response was, “okay.” I’d smile and walk away. You want to see a confused person, just do that! Most bullies won’t know how to respond to you. They will be to busy trying to figure out their next move. Let’s practice:
Bully: I saw you riding your horse the other day. He really looks like he is handful for you. He never does that when someone else rides him.
You: Okay (smile and exit stage left)
Tip # 4: Changing Facilities
Sometimes the barn manager and/or owner are the bully. If they aren’t, then you should discuss your issues with barn manager or owner. Remember, bullying is repetitive behavior. If someone is grumpy or mean to you once, that IS NOT bullying. Do not be that annoying adult that acts like a tattle-tale kindergartner. If you have talked to the owner/manager and things have not changed for you, then it is time to change boarding facilities. If you are lucky enough to be the boss, then give that boarder the boot!
Conclusion
If you are not able to change boarding facilities or avoid that person, just give things time. Eventually, the bully will show their true colors to others. Time has a way of working things out. Remember, riding horses is supposed to be fun. Don’t let someone’s insecurities and jealously get to you. You can read more about barn bullies in this article: Bullying At The Stable.