Becoming a mom changes everything, especially when you are trying to keep horses in your life. It changed my life dramatically. Prior to being a mom, I would ride young, green horses. I had muscle memory built up from years of riding. When I took a lesson, the instructor would tell me what to do and I did it.  My body responded exactly as I expected it to. My life with horses has changed since I had my daughter. I’m no longer willing to get on green or potentially dangerous horses. I ride sporadically. My tack is dirty. My body doesn’t do what I want it to do when I ride. I’m not as “on it” as I used to be. My instructor will tell me what to do, and I just sit there like a bump on a log. I’ve mourned the loss of my riding skills and available time to ride. While I am grateful to have my family, it took me a while to come to terms with my new mom life.

Many of my friends bounced right back into the saddle after pregnancy, but I definitely did not. However, I also have some friends that gave up riding completely after becoming a mom. Others have good intentions of riding and getting back to it, but life happens, and the horses are pushed to the side. There are three things I have noticed about people that have been able to rebound quickly to riding versus those of us that flounder along the riding path for years.

3 Tips for Equestrian Mothers

1. Develop A Good Support System

“Know your circle. Make sure everybody in your ‘boat’ is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking.” ~ Steve Maraboli

The first thing is having a good support system ready to go. Plan ahead and figure out what that support is or is not going to be. Sometimes we assume that we will have tons of support, then in reality, we don’t. Moms that bounce right back into riding almost always have a babysitter already lined up. Most of the time, the majority of support comes from family. Let’s face it, we feel more at ease leaving our kids with our parents or other family members. If you don’t have family nearby, start looking for a babysitter ahead of time. The process of finding a good babysitter that you trust may take much longer than you expect. Personally, I don’t live near family. I’m lucky that my husband is extremely intelligent, ruggedly handsome, courageous, and fully supports my riding (he also edits my blog posts… if you can’t tell, and I left this in here for him). In all seriousness, he encourages me to ride as much as possible, but it’s important that he has time for his hobbies too. On top of that, family time is sacred to me. Talk with those in your support system early and make a realistic plan about how much time you’ll have available to ride.  

2.  Be Realistic

“I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.” ~ Walt Disney

Once you have a support system in place and understand how much time you’ll have available to ride, it’s time to set some realistic goals. Don’t bite off more than you can chew, or more simply, don’t get in over your head. Unrealistic expectations almost always lead to disappointment. Prevent yourself from feeling overwhelmed by keeping goals reachable and more short-term (check out my worksheet for goal setting here). Maybe that means instead of owning a horse for a few years, you only take weekly lessons, or do a partial lease. If you’re caring for an infant or raising young kids, it is probably not the best time to get a bunch of young horses or project horses. I have a good friend, that while her intentions were good, she would get in way over her head. She had a young family with quite a few kids and horses. Her goals were to breed, raise, train, and show all of these horses. She spent most of her time just maintaining them. To be honest, I have no idea how she was even able to do that. I told her she must have superpowers! Sometimes less is more. The less you have to worry about, the better you will feel. You have tiny people that need to worry about now so keep it simple. Your goals might have to be smaller for the time being, but not overreaching will prevent you from constant frustration.

3.    Time Management

“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” ~ Michael Altshuler

Now that you have realistic goals based on the amount of time you’ll have available to ride, it’s time to execute. The third tip is using every minute you have available to ride effectively. Think about your priorities before each riding session. Maybe you don’t have time to clean your tack immaculately after each ride like you used to. Try not to waste time with tasks that could be done less often, and instead, use every minute you can to work on your riding goals. I used to spend way more time socializing with other riders before and after my ride. Now, I’m friendly with others at the barn but intently focused on using my time solely to get on my horse quickly and get to training. When I’m done riding it’s all about finishing any chores and then heading straight home. Though it’s been less of a social outlet for me now, I feel less guilty about riding when I know I’m using all my time efficiently and not wasting time while away from my family. 

Conclusion

Becoming a parent changes you. It changes the way you think, the way you feel … everything. This is not a post to discourage people from having kids. My daughter is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am so grateful to have her and REALLY enjoy the time we spend together. The amount of guilt I feel as I drive to the barn to go riding can be insurmountable, and on occasion I have decided to stay home instead of going riding. I think about how much she has changed in the past few years. I think about how quickly young kids grow and that someday (many years from now) she will “leave the nest.” Therefore, I try to stay in the moment and remember, I’ll only get to watch her grow up once.

I hope these tips help you feel like you are not alone and that you don’t have to do it all. Build a good support system, keep your goals realistic and manage your time efficiently at the barn. We have different seasons in our life, and maybe you have had to take a step backwards with horses right now... and that is okay! If taking a break is what you need, do it! If you have enjoyed this article, you may also like: Being An Equestrian Has Made Me A Better Mom.